in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize