I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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