so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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