You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
