I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
