I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
