Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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