i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
