Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
