All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
