Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
