i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
