in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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