i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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