Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
