His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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