So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
