i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
