I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
