And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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