oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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