something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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