he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
