Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
