dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
