i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
