guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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