We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
