do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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