Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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