We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
