After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize