just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
