She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
false alarm, still single
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