If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
