That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
