there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
