living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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