You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
