Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
