Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
