Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
