i'm signing you up for texting rehab
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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