May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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