There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
