How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Found the puke drawer
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize