And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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