Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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