You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
