i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
