I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
