All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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