After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
