dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
