non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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