Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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