I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
