Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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