Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
