He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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