Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
