sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
