OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
