made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Semen is not good for contacts.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize