just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
